


make your own miracle

by phanofstars



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Ice Skating, Light Angst, M/M, Roommates, very festive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanofstars/pseuds/phanofstars
Summary: A festive friends to lovers fic featuring ice skating, tree decorating, a power cut and two boys who need to talk about their feelings.





	make your own miracle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dnptrqsh (confusedbutinlovewiththedoctor)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusedbutinlovewiththedoctor/gifts).



> So, this is my fic exchange fic! Not quite what you asked for but it is festive fic :)   
> A huge thanks to my beta who had to put up with me rewriting this entire fic in a day, and I hope you like it

Standing in Oxford Street swallowed up in a sea of people and clutching a warming cup of mulled wine Phil felt the beginnings of festive feelings stir. All around him people started the count down and Phil joined in enthusiastically. An elbow jabbed lightly at his side, Phil turned slightly to see Dan rolling his eyes and just smirked at him in return, knowing that underneath his bored exterior Dan was enjoying this as much as he was. Dan may be stood there with his arms crossed but Phil could see all his little tells- the tugging at the corners of his mouth, his wide eyes and the hint of his dimples.

The crowd around them cheered at the end of their count down but even over their yelling Phil could pick out the little gasp of awe Dan gave out as the lights above them flickered on painting a trail of silver across the sky.

Phil let a small huff of laughter loose at his friends expression then turned to the lights himself. They were definitely worth dragging Dan out of the house to see, no matter how much he had complained.

“Feeling Christmassy yet?” He asked quietly   
“It’s November 6th Phil”   
“So?”   
Dan was smiling and shaking his head. Phil couldn’t help but noticed he’d shuffled closer to his side, close enough that if Phil reached out his hand slightly their fingers would brush. He resisted the temptation but only just.   
“It’s too early for Christmas”   
“It’s never too early for Christmas”   
Comfortable silence fell again as the crowd around them started shuffling away. Phil took a sip of his mulled wine and wished he was braver.

****

It was a recurring wish, yet to be fulfilled. He and Dan had been housemates for two years now and best friends for longer. Phil had spent five years wishing exactly the same thing- to have the courage to tell Dan he liked him.   
Now looking up at the lights Phil was determined not to just wish for it but to actually do something about it this year. He had to make his own Christmas miracle.

****

He reached out and his cold fingers brushed lightly against Dan’s warm ones, startling his curly haired friend who looked across at him questioningly.   
“Let’s go home”

****

Phil took a while to actually get started on the planning- motivation was one thing, time and ideas was definitely another. His work was piling on the editing projects as they got closer to December and he found he hardly had any ideas or even just time alone with Dan when they weren’t both exhausted- even their weekly movie nights were suffering. Phil fell asleep halfway through Howl’s Moving Castle and woke up at two am to find that Dan had tucked a blanket over him to keep him warm in their rather cold house.

By the time December rolled around the only thing Phil had done towards wooing Dan was try to surprise him with a nice home cooked dinner one night only for Dan to rock up late back from work clutching a pizza (the combination of spaghetti and pizza hadn’t been bad, and they had both laughed over it, but it had definitely ruined Phil’s plans for a subtly romantic evening).

****

Luckily with the opening of the first advent door came one of Phil’s favourite traditions- decorating and putting up the tree, and he was determined to do it well this year.

It was a Saturday but Dan had been forced into work- his boss was working him just as hard as Phil’s was, so Phil had time to set things up. He dragged the decorations and the tree out of the loft- thankfully without injury this time (last year he had stepped on a bauble and had to go to hospital with glass stuck in his foot), went out and bought some snacks and even lit some candles around the living room just to provide some ‘mood lighting’.

****

The second Phil heard the door open he turned down his Christmas playlist and made it to the hallway just as Dan was taking off his coat, cheeks flushed adorably pink and obviously not in a very good mood.   
“Hey Philly- why are you looking at me like that? Have I got something on my face?”   
Phil tried to school his expression   
“You’re very, uh, pink”  _ and cute and really rather hot  _   
Dan laughed lightly and unwound his scarf looking cheerier already. Phil couldn’t help but admire his professional looking tight fitting jumper and the way his legs looked in those black jeans   
“It is bloody freezing out there- I think the weather has finally figured out it’s December” Dan seemed to pause and realise Phil was checking him out   
“Like what you see?” he challenged with a raised eyebrow   
“Maybe” Phil replied, voice dropping unconsciously deeper and being rewarded by Dan somehow turning an even brighter shade of pink.

****

It was probably the first time Phil had responded to one of Dan’s challenges with anything other than a joke and it had definitely thrown Dan.   
“Anyway” Phil continued “I thought we could decorate today- I got all the decorations out and everything”   
“Uh- sure” Dan still seemed slightly thrown so Phil, deciding to ride this high out, grabbed Dan’s hand and dragged him into the living room where he’d arranged all the boxes, reluctantly letting go when things started to feel strange.

****

An hour later Dan, being the perfectionist graphic designer that he was, was still arranging ornaments on the tree as Phil draped the last of the tinsel over one of Dan’s terrariums then collapsed down onto their sofa. Phil still had the tinsel on that Dan had wrapped loosely around his neck half an hour earlier and Dan had a bauble hanging from his ear.

****

“Dan, come on, just leave it”   
“But-”   
“Come and sit down, I’m cold”   
“Surely all the candles you’ve lit are warming you up?”   
“But they’re not as warm as you are”   
Dan sighed and crashed down on the sofa next to Phil, tucking himself up next to him. It was a familiar action, they’d sat on this sofa together a thousand times, but never surrounded by a scene this  _ homely.  _ The candles Phil had put out flickered around them and the warm white lights of the Christmas tree twinkled lightly.

****

Everything felt right, from Dan tucked in next to him like a human radiator to the polar bear ornament Phil had given Dan on their first Christmas together hung in prime position on the tree.

Phil had the strongest urge just to lean over and press his lips to Dan’s cheek- but that wasn’t what his idea was about. He wanted to be subtle and safe, to see if he could get Dan to like him so he wouldn’t have to risk their friendship by telling him that he liked him.

Dan had been up for the flirting earlier but Phil didn’t want to push things too far- so he sat on the sofa with Dan in peaceful quiet with just the Christmas playlist playing in the background and just enjoyed the feeling of Dan snuggled up to him.

****

“Phil where are we going”   
“I’m still not going to tell you”   
“Please” Dan dragged out the vowels for so long that they became almost like a whine in Phil’s head.   
“Nope, it’s a surprise”   
“Come on- you know you want to tell me”   
Dan shuffled even closer in the cramped carriage, pulling a sad puppy expression while Phil counted the tube stops until they could get off, silently working out how much longer he’d have to put up with this. Finding the answer to be higher than he’d liked he racked his brains for a way to keep Dan quiet.

  
“You know what- I’ll tell you where we’re going if you tell me what you got me for Christmas”   
Dan’s eyes narrowed and he stepped away, mirth clear in his eyes. Christmas presents in their house were a closely guarded secret, only to be unveiled on Boxing Day with both having to spend Christmas with their respective families.   
“Well played Lester, well played”

****

“You can’t actually be serious”

The ice rink that had been set up outside the National History Museum was mostly empty which was probably a good thing as Phil didn’t really want to be ruining anyone else’s skating with how terrible he was going to be.

By the time Phil had shown their tickets to the receptionist and they were collecting their skates Dan was finally convinced that yes, they were actually doing this.

“We’re going to be horrific” he giggled as they pulled their skates on.   
“We really are” Phil agreed, leading him by the hand over towards the beautifully lit ice rink and the huge tree that dominated the middle of it (the hand holding had become almost an unconscious thing at this point yet still thrilled Phil everytime).

****

Stepping out onto the ice was nerve racking and Phil almost slipped over right there and then much to Dan’s delight.

“What are you looking at” Phil called to a still smirking Dan once he was safely clutching the barrier “Go on, it’s your turn”   
Dan, biting his lip, stepped carefully out onto the ice and managed one tiny skate forwards then slipped grabbing at Phil on the way down who promptly overbalanced and they both hit the ice hard in a tangled mess.

****

Dan pushed his black bobble hat back down further over his curls, then looked up brown eyes meeting blue and sparking laughter between them.   
Still giggling Phil tried to extract himself from the tangle of limbs only to slip over and end up back on his butt causing Dan to laugh even harder.

“Shit Phil- this is the funniest thing I’ve ever fucking done” Dan gasped out between barks of laughter.

It took them a while to get back on their feet (there was a lot of clutching at each other and hand holding and heaving themselves up on the barrier) but eventually they made it. Phil’s hands were cold and his jeans were soaked but he felt like he was glowing because Dan was there beside him, clutching at him and giggling every so often, nose red and eyes sparkling.

Phil knew that Dan had a lot of pressure on him from his job- he’d been coming home late most nights, looking stressed, and Phil would be there waiting trying to cheer him up and help him through it. No matter what else he was to Phil, Dan was still his best friend and Phil was glad, oh so glad, that he had put the smile that was currently shining on Dan’s face there.

****

“Let’s go look at the Christmas tree”   
They’d graduated from barrier clinging to clinging to each other and skating slowly around the rink- the couple of times Phil’s mum had taken him ice skating seeming to have created a small amount of muscle memory.   
Dan’s hand clutched tightly in his they skated over to where the tree was silhouetted against the dark London skyline, Phil having slightly miscalculated his speed so they almost rammed straight into it.

“It’s beautiful” Dan said quietly, squeezing Phil’s hand and gazing up at the tree. Phil looked across at him, at his flushed cheeks and bright eyes and black coat that was obviously far too thin but ‘it goes with my hat and scarf Phil’ and he knew he had to be brave.   
“So are you”

“Oh”    
It took Phil a moment to believe he’d actually said it but from Dan’s reaction (turning bright pink and looking bashfully down) he knew he had.   
“Er, thank you” Dan looked up at him shyly “You are too”   
Phil looked down. Dan seemed to know what he was thinking because he put one frozen finger under Phil’s chin and pushed it upwards, forcing Phil to look at him.   
“No Phil- I can hear your thinking from here. You’re beautiful and you’re brilliant. I love your bird nose and your glasses and your hair- have I mentioned how much I love your hair? I don’t think I’ve said it enough. I always wanted a fringe like you used to have and now you have a quiff, well, I love it even more. And you… you organise things like this for us because you know I’ve been stressed, and you hold me tight on the sofa when I’m feeling bad and you always make me feel better just by being around. I-” 

****

Dan stopped dead, Phil’s hand dropped from his.

It felt like everything around them had stilled and Phil’s entire world was just Dan staring at him with a confused expression on his face.

“Dan?” Phil prompted gently, heart in his throat. Dan blinked then laughed, a fake harsh sound.

“I’m cold, let’s go get hot chocolates” he said with forced cheeriness. Phil just nodded confused then followed Dan as he skated across the rink, his hands and heart only just seeming to register the chill in the cold December night air.

****

Dan acted strangely for the rest of the week. He didn’t curl up to Phil on the sofa as much, didn’t hold Phil’s hand any more and sometimes Phil would catch him just staring at him with a confused expression on his face only to look away quickly when he realised Phil was watching. Truth be told it kind of hurt because up until that moment at the Christmas tree it had really looked as if Dan might possibly like him back, and now with Dan being so distant it seemed like all Phil’s fears about confessing had been made a reality.

****

Both had left their Christmas shopping until the last moment aside from the few bits they had ordered online (Phil had been forced to smuggle a giant amazon parcel up to his bedroom) so when Dan suggested a Christmas shopping trip Phil couldn’t be more grateful- at least this year he didn’t have to be the one to admit he hadn’t bought everyone presents yet and so needed the last minute Christmas shop.

****

That was how they ended up on the Strand in the pouring rain, clutching paper bags that were getting weaker by the second and with Phil looking longingly at Dan’s umbrella.   
“You’d think the rain would have stopped by now, but no of course not, it just keeps on tipping it down” Dan moaned, wrapped up in his coat and bobble hat again, a look that just kept on forcing Phil’s mind back to the ice skating and that moment when Dan dropped his hand like it was a hot coal.   


“You know, it could be worse”   
“Pray tell, Philip, how this could possibly be worse”   
“You could still have straight hair”   
Dan paused for a moment causing all the rushing people around them to glare at him.   
“You may actually have a point there”   
“I know I do” Phil smirked and poked Dan in the side, in the process putting his fragile bags under the path of the steady stream of drips coming off of Dan’s umbrella.   
“No need to be so smug about it” Dan mock glared at him, then scanned around them    
“Coffee break? I think I’ve got everything I need and I would do almost anything for something caffeinated and sugary right now.”

Phil gave his agreement and pointed out the nearest source of caffeine, a tiny coffee shop on a corner of the Strand.

****

It was reasonably full but they grabbed a table for two by the door, with a good view of the lights that lit up the bustling London street reflected in the soaking pavement. Phil extracted himself from his dripping coat while Dan went up to order their usuals (just the fact that they both knew each other’s coffee preferences made Phil smile) and returned to the table clutching two takeaway cups.

“So-” Dan started just as Phil said “Dan-”   
Both stopped and looked at the other, soft smiles lighting up their faces.   
“Go ahead” Phil offered taking a sip of his drink, feeling it burn down his throat heating him up from the inside. Dan paused, watching him while seemingly trying not to   
“So” he repeated after a moment “Got everything you need?”   
“Just about- I’m missing a couple of small things but I can get those later, oh and those gloves for my mum but if I’m honest I really don’t want to brave those shops again, or the rain really”   
“Definitely- so you’re done?”   
“Yeah”   
“Me too”   
Dan smiled across at Phil and suddenly the thing heating Phil up from the inside wasn’t just the coffee. Then Phil’s foot accidentally brushed against Dan’s leg under the table and Dan froze up, deer in the headlights style. Phil pulled his leg back at once and looked out at the lights just to avoid watching Dan shake himself back together.

****

They finished their drinks in silence and Phil couldn’t help but feel a little of the strangeness that had been present since the ice rink had crept back in between them. Dan drew a sad face in the condensation on the window so Phil drew a Christmas tree next to it making him laugh lightly.

Phil was determined not to make this awkward, no matter how his attempts to get Dan to like him had gone and no matter how physical contact with Phil now seemed to make Dan uncomfortable.

****

Clearing his throat Phil started to gather up his bags, putting the more damaged paper ones inside his damp rucksack and then waiting by the door for Dan to join him.

Stepping back out into the pouring rain was not the greatest feeling but it was better than the uncomfortableness that still lingered in the coffee shop.

The pavement was emptier now and Dan and Phil walked side by side in silence not touching. Dan clutched his umbrella tightly evidenced by the whiteness of his knuckles and Phil wondered lightly if he’d ever be dry again.

****

They reached the steps down to Charing Cross tube but Dan looked wordlessly at Phil then at Nelson’s column and Phil just nodded, no words needed.   
Stood watching the fountains change colour and the giant Christmas tree sparkle as the rain poured down around them Phil just wanted to reach out and grab Dan’s hand, to feel it’s warm and the way it grounded him, but no matter the physical distance Dan just felt too far away.

****

“Phil” Dan’s voice broke Phil out of his reverie “You’ve got rain all over your lenses- how can you even see through those glasses?”   
“Oh- yeah. Give me a minute” Phil patted around in his pockets until he found a clean tissue.   
“Here” Dan stepped closer and put his umbrella over them both, squashing them together in a way they hadn’t quite been since the skating. Phil could hardly concentrate on wiping his glasses with the feeling of Dan so close to him and almost dropped them, fingers fumbling on the cold metal frames.

****

“Hold this you idiot” Dan’s umbrella was thrust into his hands and the glasses taken out of them and the next thing Phil knew Dan was pushing a now dry pair of glasses back onto Phil’s nose, sliding the legs under Phil’s damp hat onto his ears.   
Phil hardly dared breathe, afraid to break the spell as Dan’s hands lingered by his face for a few moments.   
“Your hair’s gone flat” Dan’s voice was barely above a whisper “Here, let me fix it for you” and then a gentle hand was trailing through Phil’s drooping quiff.

Time seemed to stand still, the only thing Phil could feel was the soft touch of Dan’s hand in his hair, the only thing he could see was the look of concentration on Dan’s face. There was a moment, framed by the umbrella and the rain, that Phil almost leaned in, almost gave his bruised heart to Dan one more time.

Dan stepped back, his hand dropping back down and Phil felt his insides break apart a little more.

“Home?” Dan asked in a tired voice and Phil tried to take comfort in the fact that the house he shared with Dan was home, though probably not in the same way it was to Phil (for Phil it was less the building and more the person he lived there with).

****

“Phil?” Dan’s voice was panicked and Phil hurried to him. The house was dark but he made his way through to the kitchen mostly by muscle memory.   
“I’m here. I think the power’s out- are you okay?”   
By the soft light coming from the living room Phil could make out shining tracks down Dan’s cheeks. Dan swiped at them viciously with the back of his hand and sniffed,   
“Sorry. It’s, you know-” he laughed slightly, a sad self-deprecating sound “The dark”   
“Dan” Phil tried to keep his voice soft but internally he just wanted to reach out and hold Dan until he stopped crying and stopped putting himself down but the distance and awkwardness between them had only grown since their Christmas shopping trip- and then Dan reached out and wrapped his arms around Phil, burying his face into the soft wool of his Christmas jumper.

****

For a couple of seconds Phil was too shocked to move, unable to process what had just happened. Then, slowly, he bought his arms up and wrapped them loosely around Dan’s back, desperately trying not to scare him away.

“Dan, here, it’s okay” he murmured pulling Dan tighter in to his chest “I’ve got you”

Dan let out a muffled sob and Phil just held him through it.

They stayed like that for what could have been forever but what was probably only a couple of minutes, then Dan pulled away.   
“Sorry”   
Phil stood frozen for a moment, unsure of what to do, then reached slowly out and cradled Dan’s hand gently in his.   
“Come on” he took a step forward “The Christmas tree lights are still on”

****

Setting Dan down on the sofa, Phil thanked all his lucky stars that they’d put battery powered Christmas tree lights on their tree.   
“Here” Phil pulled their throw off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around Dan “Let me go and check that it isn’t just us and I’ll be right back”

Mindful of Dan waiting for him and unwilling to leave him alone for too long Phil raced to the front door, stuck his head out into the street just enough to see that the street lights and his neighbours lights were out (and far enough to get his head rained on) then rushed back inside, almost tripping over in his haste to get back to the living room.

****

Dan was tucked into the corner of the sofa, knees under his chin with the blanket swaddled around him. His eyes snapped up the second Phil entered the room and his posture relaxed slightly.   
“You’re back”   
“Yep”   
“Your hair’s wet”   
“Yee”   
Dan reached up and tried to poke him at that, but Phil darted out of the way laughing slightly.   
“You can never take my yee’s away” he said as he flopped down next to Dan, who suddenly lunged at him hands outstretched.   
“We’ll see about that old man” he cried as he started tickling Phil’s sides.

****

What commenced was a rabid tickle fight that ended with Dan writhing on the floor gasping from laughter and begging for mercy.   
“Say it”   
“Never”   
“Say it” Phil tickled Dan’s sides again making him squeal   
“Fine, fine, I submit” Dan wiped tears of laughter away and took a breath “Yee”   
“That’s right, peasant” Phil paused “Feel better?”   
“Well, no. My ribs hurt from laughing too much”   
“You shouldn’t have challenged the master”   
“Ah yes, my mistake Philip, master of tickling” Dan raised an eyebrow so Phil grabbed him and pulled him back down onto the sofa, accompanied by another of Dan’s manly squeals.

“You’ll pay for that” he said, tickling Dan’s sides again.

****

They were both brought back down to earth a second later when Dan landed half on top of Phil, their faces centimeters apart. Eyes met and Phil could hear his heart pounding in his ears. All he had to do was- Dan’s eyes dropped to his lips. Phil sucked in a breath then closed his eyes, willing himself to be brave-

****

Dan scrambled off him. Phil wasn’t even that surprised as he watched his best friend curl himself back up into the corner of the sofa, just picked his heart up off the floor once again.

That now familiar feeling was back, the one he’d had in Trafalgar Square, in the coffee shop, after the ice rink.

There was space for another person between them on the sofa but it felt like the distance was so much more.

****

When Phil had wished to do something about his crush he hadn’t realised what would be the result- Dan far away from him on the sofa, far away from him in his mind. And even though Phil had never said anything, never actively told Dan how he felt, it seemed to Phil that it was clear in Dan’s actions how he felt, just as it was clear in Phil’s how he felt.   
_ Maybe they just wouldn’t talk about it, maybe silence would fall like it had just then _ , Phil thought, curling up on the sofa as well,  _ maybe it would have been better if I’d have never done anything at all- maybe it wouldn’t hurt like this _ . 

He looked around the room they had decorated so homely and refused to think about them cuddling afterwards on the very sofa he and Dan were sitting on, refused to think about Dan clutching at him in the ice rink, refused to think of the way Dan’s eyes had just dropped to his lips.

Tonight, Phil decided, he would allow himself to be heartbroken. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day itself, Boxing Day- Boxing Day, his and Dan’s own little Christmas- by then he had to be back to what was most important to him, being Dan’s friend.

****

He faked a yawn, curious eyes on him from across the sofa.   
“I think I’ll head off to bed now” he smiled slightly “You coming Dan?”   
Dan seemed to consider him for a moment then nodded mutely.

****

Phil left a careful distance between them as they brushed their teeth together, then left Dan for the comfort and solitude of his own room, calling out a polite ‘good night’ as he did.

He was curled up in bed, deciding if it was worth the effort to cry or not, when there was a soft knock on the door.   
“Phil?”   
“Yeah”   
“Can I- can I join you?”   
“...Sure”

Phil shuffled across in his bed and Dan perched himself on the end.   
“You can actually _ join _ me, you know” Phil murmured. Dan slid himself under the covers.

There was silence for a minute, just the sound of gentle breaths.   
“Sorry-” Dan took a breath “I know I’ve been- well. You know-” He sighed “I know I’ve been not making much sense-”   
“No Dan, I get it. I can take a hint” Phil tried to keep the sorrow out of his voice.   
“What? No I-”   
“- You don’t have to justify yourself, I get it. Just, let me wallow a bit tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow.”   
“What? Phil, neither of us are making much sense right now”

  
Phil sighed.  _ Be brave _ __   
“I like you”   
“Oh” Dan giggled “Me too”   
“... Wait, what? Really? Then why-”   
“I thought you were just being friendly. I didn't want to kiss you and ruin that”   
“Really?” Phil giggled too   
“Really” Dan shuffled closer in the darkness, arms wrapping around Phil   
“We’ve been idiots haven’t we”   
“Yee”   
“Oi, that’s my thing”

Phil reached over, cradled Dan’s head between his hands and kissed him.   


**** Coming up for air a while later, cuddled up to each other, Phil pressed gentle kisses into Dan’s hair.   
“It’s a bloody Christmas miracle” he murmured.   



End file.
